This Is Music Not Chemistry
by Lives4music
Summary: Tokio Hotel FanFic. BillxOc. Octavia is a struggling singer with a haunting past. A new friendship seems to make things go in the right direction but how long will that last?
1. Info

**Name**- Octavia Wilson

**Nicknames**- Oxy, Emo-from Chris

**Family**-

Samantha Wilson-Mother

James Wilson-Father (deceased)

Chris Wilson- Brother

**Appearance**-

Hair-like in the pic short black with Purple streaks.

Eyes-Grey/Blue (matters on the light)

Figure-You actually have one, not a stick yet not fat.

**Personality**-Quiet and seems to have a glare glued on her face no matter what, because of that everyone thinks she cold but she's really just shy. She is a very sweet person and very random at times.

**Past**- Octavia has been singing since she could walk. From the moment she first heard rock from her mom. She fell in love and now only listens to rock and the music that speaks to her. Right after Octavia moved to Germany her father was diagnosed with heart cancer. After half a year of suffering he died in front of her eyes. She hasn't been the same since.

**Favorite band in America**- _Evanescence._

**Favorite band in Germany**- _Tokio Hotel_.

Band members-

**Curt** -

**Instrument:**_Guitar__  
_**Age:**_18__  
_**Personality_: _**_Curt is the Kelso of the band _**_(If you don't know who that is then go watch That '70s Show you deprived child)_**_His biggest interest are girls and anything that involves them. He loves playing tricks on the band so they always have to watch their backs. He's slow when it comes to using any common knowledge and gets very mad when Moon, Chris, or Octavia talk English because he has never learned a single word of it and he's a slow learner so he pretty much just gave up on lessons__.__  
_  
**Relationship with his family:** _Curt__ has two brothers. One is a five year named Adel who is the most hyper kid you'll ever meet and will do anything to impress his big bro. His littlest brother is a 1 year old named Nicholas. Curt and his father are best friends. They are like twins everything in common and look alike when curt takes his piercing out. Curt and his mom are total opposites. His mother does not understand why Curt would wanna be in a band when he could have had an education. He dropped out his sophomore year with his fathers consent and his mother was furious. She likes to believe he's smart but both him and his father knows he's not. _

**Favorite band:** _Guns 'n Roses_

**Life Quote(s): **Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

**Dominick**-

**Instrument_:_**_ Bass__Guitar__  
_**Age: **_19__  
_**Personality: **_Dominick is the nicest guy you would ever have as a friend much less a boyfriend but sorry ladies he's gay. Now Dominick is not the typical gay guy sure he loves to go shopping or mess around with make up but he also likes to get down and dirty if it involves having fun. Dominick has known his sexuality since he was born and he went 16 years lying to everyone just so he could have half a normal life._**Relationship with his family: **_Dominick and his Father haven't spoken to each other since he told him that he was gay. His father is probably the most homophobic person in Germany. He would not believe that his only son was gay. His mother was more understanding but she thinks it's a choice and always ask him if he is still gay which makes Dominick very mad saying you can't stop being gay you just are. _**Favorite Band: **_The Used._

**Life Quote(s):**The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. Lynn Lavner

To hear two American men congratulating each other on being heterosexual is one of the most chilling experiences - and unique to the United States. You don't hear two Italians sitting around complimenting each other because they actually like to go to bed with women. The American is hysterical about his manhood. Gore Vidal

**Franz**

**Age: **_20_

**Instrument: **_Drums __  
_**Personality: **_Franz__ is a soft-spoken individual. He's not one to talk about himself he'd rather have you talk to him. He was born to a drug addicted mom who gave him up to adoption as soon as she could. Franz has been in and out of numerous foster homes. He finally got sick of it at 15 and gave up on trying to find a family and got a job and lived on his own. He's very independent and hates having people dig into his past. He thinks of Octavia as a little sister and would do anything to help her the way she helped him put his life straight again. __  
_  
**Favorite band: **_Slipknot_

**Life Quotes: **There is no great genius without some touch of madness. - Seneca

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein


	2. The Interview

Hello my name is Octavia but everyone calls me oxy. I'm originally from the U.S. but I moved to Germany when I was 15. Anywho when I was 13 I was singing at my cousin's club and you'll never guess who was there!! Amy Lee. Yeah I was sooo embarrassed because I was singing Haunted. She said she loved my singing and she said I should get a record deal. Well it turns out that I was to get a CD on the charts but apparently they wanted me to take voice controlling classes.

Then after a year of that they kept saying how I should test my voice with all these songs that showed different controlling of my voice to see what I was capable of. It took half a year. Then when they said they wanted to start writing songs my mom informs me that we were moving to Germany. The record label said they'd get in touch with a German record label for me.

Well we moved to Germany. To make a very long story short I translate popular songs in English to German. It's a very long process of making sure the lyrics are the same yet rhyme.

Anyway I've done pretty much all the songs I like yet I still have to do songs that aren't my style. My fans don't like that.

* * *

I woke up today like any other day but today was different I have an interview. I take a shower and did my usual make up and got dressed in black skinny jeans and a plain electric blue shirt.

I went down stairs, grabbed the noted the company gave me and left my house. I got into the limo that would drive me to the interview. I memorized the important stuff. I put a hat on and a scarf and walked into the building with out being noticed.

The interviewer came up to and started going over on how everything was planned and left. We both walked into a room that would soon be viewed by millions of people.

"Hello and welcome back, I would like to introduce my guess Octavia!" he said.

Everyone in the crowd went wild as I smiled at them.

"Well thank you for having me," I said still with that fake smile.

"Now I'm sure the questions on everyone's mind is new songs will be on your album." He said.

"Well I'm doing some Flyleaf and Three Days Grace but you'll have to buy the album to see what songs and who else." I replied leaving half the room in suspense.

"Why must you be so mean?" he asked.

"If I was nice I wouldn't be here right now," I said with a small laugh.

He and most of the audience laughed.

"Yes but you just turned 18 and have been in the public eye since you came here does that have any strain on your love life?" he asked.

"Well as you most likely know I have had some boyfriends but you know they were all manwhores just wanting money."

He laughed and said "I bet but what's your most favorite thing when all the guys go gaga over you?"

"Oh I'd have to say when they try to speak English to me, I love the German accent."

"Oh hear that guys she loves the accents."

Most of the room exploded with laughing as I did to a little.

"Now is it just the German accent?" he asked.

"No I love the French and Russian Accents. French is sexy on girls and Russian is sexy on guys," I giggled.

"Really if you like Russian why mention girls?" he asked trying to get at that new rumor going around I was not aloud to talk about.

"I'm just saying I love hearing it on girls but when I guy does it he's sounds hmm I don't know but just not right but Russian is perfect." I said.

"Really? Now you've been singing here since you moved but never once have you done a duet. Have you been thinking of doing any?" he asked.

"Well yes I was thinking about it. I want to do my favorite duet from America and well….I really have no idea of whom to do it with."

"Really do you have anyone in mind?"

"Well….." I trailed off.

"Tell us," he said.

"Ok I was thinking of doing it with Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel."

"Really that was unexpected have you ever met him?"

"No but I'm really hoping I might be able to get him on this to get more fans."

"I see well one last question. Before you leave you released 2 CDs so far and a 3rd one coming out soon, do you think with your self image you might be losing fans?" again he tried asking about that rumor.

"I don't think so. I may but I highly doubt it. my image is to be who you wanna be and to be comfortable in your own skin. Now I know I'm not always like that, I'm human, but I try to be." I explained.

"Well thank you for coming Octavia," he said.

"Thank you for having me," I said and shook his hand I gave the crowd a rock on sign and left.

I headed out of the building but got bombarded with paparazzi and fans.

"OXY WE LOVE YOU! OCTAVIA WHAT WITH THE….OCTAVIA OVER HERE," I kept hearing over and over again.

My face showed no emotion as I walked into my limo.

"Where to Miss Oxy?" asked Erwin ER-vin my driver.

I sighed as he pulled away from the curb I gave up long ago to of trying to make him call me simply Oxy. His phone rang as I was about to open my mouth. He said something things I'm not really sure of what though I think he was speaking French.

"You have another interview Miss Oxy," he said.

I groaned and hit myself on the head.

"Your manger also said you must sing a new song from the new CD miss." He informed me.

"What I'm not ready for that," I said.

It was true I was wearing something completely different then I normally would for a performance and I barley new the song by heart yet.

"Your manger will be there. You have an hour to prepare." He said.

I sighed (why must u sing other people's songs? I wanna sing my own!) I mentally screamed.

I got out of the limo as soon as it stopped and walked into the building luckily the press wasn't informed about this interview yet.

"Come on," Agatha my manager said.

I followed her to my dressing room and she handed me some clothed. I went to change and came back looking with this shirt: and these pants: I sat down as someone started to do my make up.

"I'm sorry about this Oxy." She said.

"I bet," I replied sarcastically.

"Do you think you'll be able to sing Fully Alive?" she asked.

"No but I can sing I'm So Sick," I replied.

"Fine sing that. What will you say in the interview?"

"So she is going to ask me?" I asked seriously.

"Yes," was her simple reply.

I shrugged, "whatever that won't get me fired."

"Good you know this is the last copy write CD you have to do right? Your next album is all on you."

"I know but I actually like doing this one. It almost tells a story like all albums should not just some songs stuck together."

"Yes but yours aren't really albums now are they?

"No," I whispered.

She smirked and left.

I took a look at the clock 45 minutes to go. I went to my lyric sheets and went over the song one last time. With 30 minutes left they started doing sound check. I went on stage and looked around my band wasn't there.

"Agatha!" I yelled at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Where is my band?" I asked harshly.

"They got caught up we have a back up use them," she said and left.

I walked over to the stage and sang but with out my band it can only be told in two words: I sucked.

People were running around everywhere looking for things that still needed attending to.

Five minutes left my band ran in.

"Where were you?" I nearly yelled.

"Sorry traffic was a bitch," Curt said.

I sighed "you missed sound check we're doing I'm So Sick get ready," I ordered.

They nodded and the music to the show started as everyone got into place.

"Hello and welcome to the Torch," Alexandria the host said. "Today is a very special episode. We have a 30 minute special of none other than Octavia! She first came out with her album "Remember My Name" at age 16. Her second album "Can You See Me Now?" at age 17. Now with her third album coming out at the end of next month here's Octavia with her new single I'm So Sick!" she practically yelled.

A/N- I realize it will be worded differently in German but I really don't wanna do all the research so deal

**FLYLEAF LYRICS**

_**"I'm So Sick"**_

_"I will break into your thoughts  
With what's written on my heart  
I will BREAK!!, BREAK!! _

_I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick _

_If you want more of this  
We can push out, sell out, die out  
So you'll SHUT UP!!  
And stay sleeping  
With my screaming in your itching ears _

_I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick _

_Hear it, I'm screaming it  
You're heeding to it now _

_Hear it! I'm screaming it!  
You tremble at this sound _

_You Broke into my thoughts  
And this invasion  
Makes me feel  
Worthless, hopeless, sick _

_I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick _

_I'm so sick  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss, selfishness  
I'm so  
I'm so sick  
I'm so  
I'm so sick"_ I finished

This time it sounded good. My voice wasn't as scratchy like when I went through it the first time. I smiled and took a bow with my band. We all took a seat by Alexandria.

"That was amazing! But you scared me half to death when you screamed," she said.

We all laughed at that.

"So Oxy many rumors have been going on about why Bertha left the band, can you tell me why?" she asked.

"Actually I really don't know," I said.

"It had something to do with Oxy and how she was always in the spotlight," Dominick said.

"I see she got jealous easy?" asked Alexandria.

"It wasn't just that. We've been together for 3 years and she was new she must have felt left out," Franz said.

"I see how sad but what we're really here today is about this," she pointed everyone's direction to a screen.

On the screen showed me and my best friend, a girl, making out with hundreds of people in the back ground.

"Now I'm sure the question on everyone's mind is what was going on?" she asked.

"Wow Oxy I didn't realize you swung that way," Curt said being the smart ass he is.

"Shut it, I just turned 18 and well we went out drinking. I got drunk she got drunk. I'm not sure but someone said make out and we did," I said shrugging.

"Wow it seemed like you had fun," she giggled.

"Not really I had a performance the next day, and plus that picture is old, I turned 18 last November its January," I said.

"Who do you think took it?" she asked.

"I wish I did," Curt mumbled.

"Do I have to tell you again?" I warned.

"Wow conflicts going on at the minute?" she asked.

"No they're always like this," Dominick said.

"They're the kids of the band always arguing," Franz stated with a sigh.

"Franz don't act like you know everything," I said.

"Hold on to that thought, we'll be right back," Alexandria said.

I took a deep breath as the "on Air" light turned off.

"Ok guys I love the energy but can you tune it down on the arguing?" she asked?

"Yeah we will," I answered for the whole band.

There was a wait as Franz and Curt tried to get me to calm down. I always get stressed out but now with this last minute interview was insane.

"You're on the air in five. Four. Three. Two. One." The camera man said.

"Welcome back we have Octavia and her band her with us at the moment. Now I noticed something Oxy every time you warn one of the guys they immediately shut up. Are you the leader of the band?" she asked.

"No they just fear me. They know I'll hit them if they start to annoy me," I said.

She laughed "so does your band have a leader?"

"I'd say if we did it would be Franz since he's the eldest and keeps us all in line." I said.

"Yeah Franz is. A fun leader especially when we were kids," Curt said.

"Ignore him," I said flicking Curt in the face.

The "on Air" light turned off.

"Pretty good guys. Next I'm going to ask about the music and then it will be over," Alexandria said.

I nodded and sighed my hands were shacking.

"Dominick you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah just don't have anything to say." He said.

"You sure?" I asked.

He nodded at me with a smile and looked at my hands which I was trying to keep under control.

"You're on," the camera man said.

"We're back. Oxy what plans do you have with your next album?" asked Alexandria

"Well this album has to be a favorite of mine. It has my favorite songs from America and the best part is it almost tells a story," I said.

"I see now what has to be the most fun song to sing?" she asked.

"I'd have to say I'm So Sick. It's the only song that lets me jump around stage and scream that's really fun," I said smiling.

"I see. What is the story of the album like you were saying?" she asked.

"It's about falling, then breaking up, going through the pain of the break up, and then trying to find happiness," I explained.

"Wow intense. Have you been through any of that?" she asked.

"Oxy's different when it comes to relationships," Dominick finally said.

"Really how?" she asked.

"She feels no attachment," Franz said.

"Ok Oxy explain it," Curt said.

"I've never been in love not even "puppy love". If I go out with someone no matter how nice, no matter how sweet, no matter anything I really never felt anything toward anyone," I explained for everyone to understand.

"Really nothing toward anyone?" she asked.

"Well I've had crushes like Dominick for instance." I said.

"Dominick?" she asked shocked.

"You know I'm gay right?" he asked jokingly.

I hit his shoulder hard enough to make him whimper in pain.

"well but back when we were kids you were bi so I thought I had a chance but then you went all the way gay so I got over you within a day. Now you're what my best friend." I said.

"How cute," she said, "so what is your type of guy?"

"Well you know _every _girl falls for the bad boys. Well not me. I hate the bad boys, well there attitudes. I love they way they dress you know kinda rocker. But I really like the nice guys. But sadly like the saying goes they're either gay or taken." I explained.

"I see well thank you for being here today," she said.

"Thank you for having us," I said.

She said her goodbyes to the audience at home. We stood up, shook her hands and left.

"Good job people," Agatha said.

We all walked pat her. We **hate** her so much it's not even funny. We heard her yell but we ignored her and kept walking.

"Where to?" asked Curt.

I looked at him and smirked. "We're going to go party!"

They all smiled as we headed for my limo.


	3. The Guests

**(A/N)Underlined words means they are speaking in English otherwise it's all German. :)**

"My head," I groaned as I woke-up.

I opened my eyes and sighed. I rolled over and hit something.

"Curt." I growled and opened my eyes to see him.

"It's about time you woke up," he said.

I flicked his nose for a reply.

"We have a concert tonight and a music video to shoot tomorrow remember?" asked Curt.

I groaned, "every time we go out to a party I get drunk, wake up with you in my bed, and have something planned that day."

"I'm sorry that you're an alcoholic," he said.

"I'm not an alcoholic I just enjoy being drunk," I informed him.

Get up we have a big day," he ordered.

I groaned and rolled over and fell out of bed like I always do. The pain wakes me up. I stood up and looked down and saw I was missing my corset. Rule number one girls: never sleep with a corset on.

"Wow Oxy take it all off," Curt said.

"Shut up. You've seen me practically naked." I said grabbing a towel.

"Yes and I'm counting the seconds tell that day comes again." He said.

I rolled my eyes and walked into my bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the shower and jumped in. 10 minutes later I came out. The first thing I always do when I get out of the shower is I put my make-up on then get dressed.

I put my clothes on and walked out to see Curt still in my bed. I smirked. I started to crawl on to him. I heard movement I knew he wasn't asleep. I moved his hair from his ear.

"CURT!! GET YOUR LAZY OUT OF MY BED!!" I screamed.

His head snapped up. Luckily I was on his side. I grabbed my head that really wasn't a good idea. My head was spinning again. He groaned and rolled out of the bed.

"You didn't have to yell," he said simply.

I got out of bed and mad it so our noses were touching.

"I like hearing you scream," I said seductively.

He looked at me curiously and walked into the bathroom. I burst into laughter as soon as I heard the water start running. Curt was cute in all but the dude has been trying to get into my pants since we met and to me he's just my brother.

"This world  
This world is cold  
But you don't  
You don't have to go  
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care  
Your mother's gone and your father hits you  
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know

Your days  
You say they're way too long  
And your nights  
You can't sleep at all  
Hold on  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more  
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more

But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching, it's not over  
Hold on

What are you looking for?  
What are you waiting for?  
Do you know what you're doing to me?  
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?

Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching, it's not over  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Hold on" I sang.

I heard clapping; I turned around and saw my band. I did a sarcastic bow.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Well the stage is all set up and all you have to do is sing your hang over off," Franz said

"K sound check, sit around throwing up cuz of nerves, perform, go home and sleep, check" I said.

"Let's go," Dominick said while grabbing my hand and pulling me out of my own home.

After three hours of practice it's around 2 and the concert starts at nine. I'm lying on my back going screamo in the microphone.

"BEARK!! GO FIX YOURSELF!! KILL ME!! SUICIDE!! SAVIOUR!! DEATH!! LIFE!!" I randomly screamed.

They guys weren't even playing they were sitting around staring at me.

"Oxy-Hun are you ok?" Dominick asked.

"Dominick-babe you know the answer to that," said into the microphone.

I saw Dominick show Franz the time. They nodded. Curt walked over to me and sat down by me.

"How come you don't call me anything?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes.

Hey Oxy-Hun we got to go do some things we'll be back." Dominick informed me.

"Dominick-babe where are you and Franz-kun going?" I asked.

"To eat, interview, press. All that good stuff." Dominick said.

"Fine leave me. I love you guys," said into the microphone.

"I love you too Oxy-Hun," Dominick yelled while Franz just held up his hand.

"Do you think Franz is gay?" asked Curt.

"Franz? No way. But they would make the cutest couple." I said.

"Um yeah sure," Curt said.

I laughed a little at that. Then I got the feeling that I was being watched. I looked all around. I saw no one. I sighed. I'm way too paranoid.

I looked up at the landing from where I was to suddenly appear. Then it suddenly clicked in my head.

"Don't Jump," I said.

"What?" asked Curt.

"You know the song by Tokio Hotel," I said.

"You mean the song where he's standing on top of a roof and then falls?" asked Curt.

"Yeah the balcony made me think of that," I mumbled.

Curt got up and started singing horribly I might add.

"Shut up your making my ears bleed," I yelled into the microphone, but he kept singing.

I got up finishing the song for him. He was standing on the edge looking like he was about to jump. I looked around and saw a rope. I tied on the end around the pole. I finished with an "I'll jump for you," and pulled Curt back and fell backwards way to dramatically. I fell about three feet then the rope tightened.

Curt looked at me like I was crazy.

"That was soo fun," I laughed.

"Oxy are you high?" Curt questioned.

"No!! I just had to." I said still laughing.

The paranoia feeling came back. I looked all around again and still no one was watching.

I pulled myself up and lay down by Curt's feet.

"I'm bored," I said.

"Well maybe we should try and find some hookers," Curt said.

I hit his leg and shook my head.

"No thanks," I replied.

"Come on it's so easy," he said.

"Yeah, _"oh Curt I've been saving my self for you. I'm not easy but I'll gladly spread my legs for you." _I said sarcastically.

"I remember her. She was no virgin," he said.

I stood up while saying "lalalalalala I can't hear you," and ran to the microphone which was my new best friend.

Curt followed me sat down beside me, "when do you think they'll be back?"

"Like I would know," I answered. I looked at the microphone and sighed.

"Oh by the way we have a special guest," Curt said.

"Who?" I asked not really caring.

"Your favorite band," he said.

"Amy's coming?" I asked.

"No, Tokio Hotel," he mumbled.

"what?" I yelled in English like I always do when I'm mad. "What do you mean they're coming? Great." I also said something's that you really don't wanna know.

"Oxy calm down and speak German," Curt said.

"I glared at him, "Don't talk to me."

I grabbed the microphone and went to the balcony cursing in English underneath my breath.

I lay on the floor and just stared at the ceiling.

(Why is Tokio Hotel coming? Why? Now I'm gonna be super nervous and have the worst night ever!) I thought.

I moved a little and felt my ban-aids stretch a little. It hit me. During the performance I'm suppose to unveil my new secret tattoos. I was going to have two random people from the crowd do it bit what if those two people were famous? What if those two people were twins?

I smirked and got up and ran over to Curt.

"I love you. I'm so sorry." I said hugging his leg. "Find it in your tiny heart to forgive me."

"Um ok," he said "why?"

"Because, you know my tats? Well I figured they could do the unveiling," I said way to happy.

"Yeah one problem you don't know where they'll be sitting." He pointed out.

"Yeah but I know someone who will," I said pulling out my cell phone.

"Who?" he asked.

"Franz of course," I answered.

* * *

Author's P.O.V.

Dominick and Franz came out of a building smirking. They came upon a limo and tapped the window twice. The door opened and two people came out.

One had long dreadlocks in a ponytail and was wearing a hat. He had very baggy clothes on has his lip pierced.

The other was taller and had long black hair with blonde tips. He had tight black clothes on and has his eyebrow pierced.

"Have you told her?" asked one.

"No Tom. Curt should be telling her any moment. You wanna spy?" asked Dominick.

Tom nodded and asked "Bill do you want to?"

Bill nodded while saying "ok."

They walked into the building and saw a girl on the ground laughing with Curt beside her. The girl suddenly stopped and looked all around her.

Bill couldn't seem to take his eyes off her. No one but Tom noticed this. Tom had a smirk on his face as he watches his brother stare in awe.

Suddenly Bill's eyes become wide. They see the girl push Curt out of the way and fall off the balcony with one hand grabbing the rope the other on her face.

Bill gasped as Franz chuckled, "that's Oxy for you. She's crazy."

Oxy again looked all around her. She shrugged and pulled herself up the rope.

"She's strong," Tom muttered.

"She's a black-belt," Dominick said.

Tom and Bill looked at each other shocked,

They looked back at Oxy and her eyes were wide. She was yelling and went back up the balcony.

"She got angry," Bill said.

"She found out her favorite band was going to watch her perform," Franz said.

Bill and Tom smirk at each other.

Suddenly Oxy came running down with a smile on her face. She was hugging Curt's leg. She got up and looked disappointed but then pulled out her cell phone.

"Franz your phone," Dominick hissed.

Franz nodded and as soon as it lit up opened it and answered.

* * *

Oxy's P.O.V.

"Hello?" came Franz's voice.

"Hey Franz-kun I need a favor," I said.

"Can it wait?" he asked.

"I guess," I said disappointed.

He hanged up as I sighed.

"Aww is poor Oxy sad?" asked a voice from behind me.

I turned around and what I saw freaked me out. There was Dominick and Franz with Bill and Tom Kaulitz! The Kaulitz twins!! I couldn't breath. My eyes were wide. I quickly turned around.

"Please tell me I'm dreaming," I pleaded.

"Sorry babe no can do," he replied.

I sighed. I turned around and took a deep breath trying to calm me nerves.

Dominick stood in front of me with an idiotic grin on his face. I glared at him.

"Don't be so glum Oxy-Hun," Dominick said.

I smirked at him. He raised an eyebrow. I gave him a watch-this smile and walked over to Bill and Tom.

I gave a small smile, "hey I'm Oxy."

Tom smirked, "I'm Tom."

"Bill," Bill said with a smile.

"So what is the famous Kaulitz twins doing at me little concert?" I asked.

"We've wanted to see you live since forever," Bill said.

"Yeah ever since we heard you sing "Tourniquet." Tom said.

I smiled "how sweet. I don't mean to be rude but can I ask you for a favor?"

"Sure," Bill said.

"Great!" I smiled once more, "you see I'm unveiling my new tattoos and you see I need two people to help me with it. I was wondering if you want to help me out."

"Matters where are the tats located at?" Tom asked with a wink.

I rolled my eyes and said "look for your self."

I pulled my shirt up to show two band-aids on both sides of my hips.

"Wow two?" asked Curt coming up beside me.

I rolled my eyes at him. "No one," I said sarcastically.

Curt opened his mouth but Moon ran into me with a huge hug.

"Omg! Thank you Oxy! Thank you sooooo much." Moon screeched.

Calm down," I said.

She then said "excuse me I need to borrow her" right to Bill and Tom's face!

"Man you handled your interview great! If it was me I'd be like "I'm not a lesbian I was drunk," than I'd start…" she then screamed.

Everyone covered their ears. Man she had a set of lungs on her.

"Oxy! Tom and Bill Kaulitz are standing right in front of us!" she shrieked.

I laughed a little. Moon, short for Moon-Dust, is my best friend from the states. Our fathers were best friends. Her mom was a hippie and that how she got her name. Our mom's didn't really get along. Moon is probably the craziest person you'll ever meet. She can make anything funny.

"Moon calm down" I said.

"Explain now," she demanded.

"They're here for the concert. Dominick and Franz apparently scheduled for a meeting," I explained.

She laughed and looked at Tom and turned bright red.

"Tom, Bill this is Moon," I said while giving Moon a push.

"H-hi," she said and hid behind me.

Everyone looked at her weird as I laughed at her.

"Come sing with me," I said grabbing her hand and led her on stage. I took the microphone and said "any request?"

Curt opened his mouth but my cell phone rang.

"Hello" I said.

"Hello Octavia," said a voice I knew all to well.

My eyes shot open wide. I felt my breath stuck in my throat.

"Mother," I hissed.


	4. The Concert

"Mother dearest what can I do for you?" I asked through clenched teeth.

My mother, she is the worst woman on this earth, She is the reason I'm still doing these stupid copy write albums. She signed that stupid three album contract. She is also the reason for most of my habits. Those dirty little secrets that no one should know about. Thankfully Chris is her favorite and hopefully nothing I went through will happen to him.

"Well dear I was wondering-" She started but I cut her off.

Cut the bull-sht. What do you want?" I asked venom in every word.

"I want you to send me more money so I can care for your brother." she said.

I laughed "Maybe if you got a job you wouldn't have to beg me for money for you to use to buy clothes not Chris,"

"I would learn to watch your mouth. You wouldn't want anything bad to happen to Chris now would we?" She asked.

I growled "Don't go there."

"I thought that's what you would say" She laughed "Chris wants to talk to you."

I sighed. I swear I was going to have a melt down if I was on the phone for one more second.

"Hey emo," Came Chris's voice.

I rolled my eyes but smiled all the same. Chris is my little brother and one of the coolest people on earth. He knows practically everything about me whether that's good or bad I'll never know.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Pretty good, hey I called Erwin and guess who's going to be front row at your concert!" he said.

"Nice you should come to the building right now. I have a surprise." I said.

"Ok on my way," he said and hanged up.

I turned around and saw that everyone was looking at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Chris should be here in 5," I said.

Moon had the biggest smile on her face, "yay the little dude is coming!!"

I laughed a little.

"I hate it when you guys talk in English to each other!!" Curt yelled.

"Yeah it does get kinda confusing." Dominick mumbled.

Me and Moon looked at each other and grinned.

"Lyke OMG TTYL G2G BRB MYOB," Moon said dead serious to me.

I laughed so hard it wasn't even funny. Moon and I fell on the floor laughing.

"Ok ok we'll stop," I said.

"Thank you!!" Curt yelled again.

I shook my head.

"Hey Bill, Tom where is Gustav and Georg?" I asked.

"Oh there in an interview should be here soon," Bill said.

"I hate interviews" I said.

"We all know you're self-conscious," Curt said while putting his arm around me.

I gave him a look and took his arm off me, "personal space." I said.

"Like you know the meaning of it," a very familiar voice said.

I turned around and saw none other then my little brother Chris; with his dark brown hair and baggy skater pants. Yeah right my brother a skater. Actually he's pretty good.

I ran up to him and gave him a bone crushing hug.

"I missed you!! You little twerp why don't you call? I haven't seen you since September." I scolded.

"Sorry I do have a life," he said.

"That makes one of us," I said.

"Chrissy!!" Moon yelled while giving him a bone crushing hug only this time he was turning purple.

All the guys gave him their welcome. That's when he finally noticed something.

"Emo!" He hissed. "Your favorite band is here."

"Yeah I know," I laughed.

I grabbed him and dragged him over to Bill and Tom.

"Bill, Tom this is my little brother Chris," I introduced,

They did this weird hand shake and like I thought he and Tom hit it off.

"Oh! Oxy!" Chris yelled.

I gave him a look that said "what do you want?" cuz he never calls me by my real name unless he wants something.

"Well I was listening to Evanescence last night and found this really cool song. Can you sing it?" he asked sweetly.

"Can I of course. Will I matters on the song." I relied,

"Anything for you," he said.

Moon and I smiled at the same time. That is our all time favorite song by Evanescence.

"Ok" I said and walked on stage. "Curt you mind playing?"

He sighed and grabbed his guitar; yep this is one of the few English songs I taught him.

"I'd give anything to give me to you  
Can you forget the world that you thought you knew  
If you want me,  
Come and find me  
Nothing's stopping you so please release me

I'll believe  
All your lies  
Just pretend you love me  
Make believe  
Close your eyes  
I'll be anything for you

Nothing left to make me feel anymore  
There's only you and everyday I need more  
If you want me  
Come and find me  
I'll do anything you say just tell me

I'll believe  
All your lies  
Just pretend you love me  
Make believe  
Close your eyes  
I'll be anything for you

I'll believe  
All your lies  
Just pretend you love me  
Make believe  
Close your eyes  
I'll be anything for you

Anything for you  
I'll become your earth and sky  
Forever never die  
I'll be everything you need

I'll believe  
All your lies  
Just pretend you love me  
Make believe  
Close your eyes  
I'll be anything for you"

I finished with a sigh.

I jumped off the stage, "maybe I should use that as my English song," I mumbled.

"OMG Oxy you never cease to amaze me, but the weird thing is you speak English in a German accent," she laughed.

"And I speak German in an English accent," I replied.

"Wow you have issues," she laughed.

I rolled my eyes and walked away.

"You were really good even though I'm not too sure of what you said," Bill told me.

I shook my head with a small smile, "you need to learn English." I told him.

"I'm learning," he told me in my native tongue.

I laughed, "your accent it cute."

"Oxy no flirting!" Moon thankfully said in English.

"Then no flirting with him," I said nodding toward Tom.

"No fair," she said turning pink.

I noticed Bill was looking at me weird, "don't ask." I told him.

He nodded with a smile.

"Why didn't I take English in school?" Curt asked.

"Because your stupid and dropped out for the band," I answered.

"Oh yeah!" he laughed.

I shook my head.

* * *

The concert is in 15 minutes the arena is backed full of fans so why you may be asking am I in a bathroom stall? Simple when my band, Tokio Hotel, Chris, and Moon went out to eat I am now seeing again. And trust me it is not a happy reunion, STUPID NERVES!!

"Hey you ok?" asked Dominick as he sat down next to me.

"No not really but then again when am I ever?" I asked.

"Good point," he said.

I slightly laughed.

"Oxy come on you have 10 minutes," Curt said.

I nodded and got up. I was very dizzy.

"Come on," Curt said as helped me walk.

I was getting set up for my "rising of life." I could tell I was deathly pale. I don't need make up for that. I saw the lights turn off so I knew my band was getting into place. I heard the opening to Tourniquet.

I took a deep breath and I went through the trap door and landed on the balcony. I heard the crowd go wild as I was seen with my black wings.

I started sing: "_I tried to kill the pain  
but only brought more  
so much more  
I lay dying  
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost?_

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

do you remember me  
lost for so long  
will you be on the other side  
or will you forget me  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

**I want to die!!**

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave  
my soul cries for deliverance  
will I be denied Christ  
tourniquet  
my suicide."

I took a deep breath and smiled at the crowd taking it all in. The noise, the new faces, the familiar faces. It all seemed too surreal. I can't believe I'm one of the few people that is able to do what they love.

"Hello Berlin!" I said as the crowd erupted. "It's great to be back! I know you haven't seen us in a very long time. And let me be the one to appologize for that. But here we are back with a vengance!"

8 songs later of head banging and jumping around I was in the zone. And somewhere along the way I took my wings off.

"How are you all doing?" I asked as the crowd went nuts. "What I didn't hear you," I said and the crowd got even louder. I laughed. "Well this next song," I said as I sat at my piano, "is a song we all like very much and we hope you like it too," I started playing.

The crowd went wild and I smiled again. No matter where I am Berlin is my favorite place to perform at. Maybe it's because this was where my first concert was. I don't know but I just love it here.

_"Na na, na na na, na na  
I miss you, miss you so bad  
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad  
I hope you can hear me  
I remember it clearly_

_The day you slipped away  
Was the day I found it won't be the same  
Ooooh_

_Na na na na na na na_

_I didn't get around to kiss you  
Goodbye on the hand  
I wish that I could see you again  
I know that I can't_

_Oooooh  
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly_

_The day you slipped away  
Was the day I found it won't be the same  
Ooooh_

_I had my wake up  
Won't you wake up  
I keep asking why  
And I can't take it  
It wasn't fake  
It happened, you passed by_

_Now you are gone, now you are gone  
There you go, there you go  
Somewhere I can't bring you back  
Now you are gone, now you are gone  
There you go, there you go,  
Somewhere your not coming back_

_The day you slipped away  
Was the day I found it won't be the same noo..  
The day you slipped away  
Was the day that I found it won't be the same oooh..._

_Na na, na na na, na na  
I miss you,"_ I sang.

I got off my song as the next song stared.

"I wanna here everyone singing to this one," I yelled as Coming Undone started.

_"__Keep holding on  
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb  
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me  
Sweet bitter words  
Unlike nothing I have heard  
Sing along mocking bird  
You don't affect me_I sang.

That's right  
Deliverance of my heart  
Be straight  
Be deliberate

Wait  
I'm coming undone  
Unlaced  
I'm coming undone  
Too late  
I'm coming undone  
What looks so strong  
So delicate  
Wait  
I'm starting to suffocate  
And soon I anticipate  
I'm coming undone  
What looks so strong  
So delicate

Choke choke again  
I thought my demons were my friends  
Getting me in the end  
They're out to get me  
Since I was young  
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue  
And this sweet chugga gun  
Does not protect me

That's right  
Trigger between my eyes  
Please strike  
Make it quick now

Wait  
I'm coming undone  
Unlaced  
I'm coming undone  
Too late  
I'm coming undone  
What looks so strong  
So delicate  
Wait  
I'm starting to suffocate  
And soon I anticipate  
I'm coming undone  
What looks so strong  
So delicate

I'm trying to hold it together  
Head is lighter than a feather  
Looks like I'm not getting better  
Not getting better

Wait  
I'm coming undone  
Unlaced  
I'm coming undone  
Too late  
I'm coming undone  
What looks so strong  
So delicate  
Wait  
I'm starting to suffocate  
And soon I anticipate  
I'm coming undone  
What looks so strong  
So delicate,"

Finally I was here the best part of the evening in my opinion.

"Well I don't know if any of you have noticed but we have a few special guests in the audience. Come on up you guys," I said as Bill and Tom came on stage and wow did the fans go crazy, "well I guess there's no need for introductions," I laughed.

Just seeing these guys and they freak. I wanna be like that one day.

"Well I have a surprise," I said.

I was wearing a long baggy shirt the whole time and I took it off revealing my crop top. Two big bandages were on both sides of my hips.

"These guys are here to help unveil my two new tattoos!" I laughed as everyone screamed and while that was happening I whispered to Bill "be gentle."

He smirked. He and Tom both took the bandages off. It didn't hurt at all compares to when the tattoos went on the bone. On my left hip is a red heart with the word love on it. And on my right side is a black heart with blue flames with the word death.

The crowd went screamed even louder. I don't know why though most likely only the first few rows could see them. Oh wait a minute that's right I have mega screen behind me and the camera men probably zoomed in on them. I can't wait tell the press eats this up.

"Thanks you guys," I said as I gave Tom a hug and kiss on the cheek the same with Bill. They went back stage cuz god knows they can't go back in to the crowd.

"Well this is the last song of the night and do you know how I always end the show?" I asked.

They screamed as loud as they did when Bill and Tom came on stage.

"I thought so this is Anything For You by Evanescence." I said.

(A/N you should know the lyrics by now.)

"Thank you Berlin I hope to see you again real soon!" I yelled and me and my band took a bow then went backstage.

"Woo!" I laughed as I sat down on the couch.

"No party tonight huh Oxy?" asked Curt.

I laughed "nope."

Moon and Chris came over.

"You rocked!" they both said at the same time.

Everyone laughed.

"Now we have to stay here for like an hour," I sighed.

Everyone sighed too. I laid down which made me head rest on Bill's lap.

"Oxy?" he questioned.

"Deal with it," I said which is the last thing I remember before the world blacked out and I fell asleep.


	5. The Music Video

**Part Four Music Video**

(No One's P.O.V. While You Were Sleeping)

"Wow she was tired," Dominick said while stroking Octavia's hair.

"I would be too she gives all she has and then some at every concert." Moon said.

Franz nodded.

"Well so does Bill," Tom mumbled "but he doesn't fall right to sleep."

"Ja, but she has insomnia," Chris whispered.

"Why?" Bill asked running his fingers through Octavia's hair.

"Because of her past," Chris answered simply.

Moon looked down at the floor with a sad face; it was one of those rare times when she wasn't smiling.

"She's been through more than anyone could ever dream," Moon whispered barley audible.

"Stop," everyone heard it but they didn't know who said it.

"Who was that?" asked Franz.

The voice said it in English so Chris and Moon knew exactly who said it. They looked at each other shocked. They both knew Oxy sometimes talked in her sleep but when she did it was always a nightmare.

"Please…..stop," You could practically hear the tears in her voice.

"What did she say?" Asked Franz.

Franz may seem like the kind of guy not to care about anything but he always thought of Oxy like the little sister he never had. He was there for her through it all when he first met her. He never wants to see her in any kind of pain.

"Please…stop….you're hurting me." Oxy said short of breath. Bill got up because she was rolling around to much.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Bill as he saw her once peaceful face now covered in pain.

"She's having a nightmare," Moon said as the pain in her face reseeded.

Octavia stopped turning but she started shivering. Franz put his jacket over her as she stopped shaking he looked at Chris and Moon and asked "what was she saying?"

"I'm not sure. It sounded like gibberish," Chris replied.

Moon nodded going along with his story. They both knew they could trust Franz just not everyone in the room.

(Next Day Your P.O.V.)

"Wake up," I heard a far away voice say. "Come on Oxy wake up." It kept saying louder and louder. My body was being shaken. It was way too early to wake up.

"Five minutes," I barley said to who ever it was.

"Come on Oxy you have a video to shoot," the voice laughed.

I slowly opened my eyes. Everything was blurry but I saw two figures.

"Go away." I said while rolling over so my back was facing them.

"Come on Oxy." I'm pretty sure it was Moon who said that.

I turned back to them and said "go away." Then threw my covers over my head.

I heard them sigh and just as I thought they were about to leave the next thing I knew was that they were jumping on me. Well that woke me up. (While pissing me off.)

"OFF!!" I yelled.

They got off me. I got out of bed and saw it was Chris who was with Moon.

"Ok, I'm up," I said.

"Ok let's go!" Moon yelled while dragging me out of my own home.

Once we got to the video shoot I was immediately rushed into make-up and wardrobe. The whole time that was happening Agatha was filling me in on how it should go and that we are making "the making of…" I wasn't really listening to her. Though I make my music videos the way I want to.

I was wearing a black dress with rips all over it and it looked like it had dried up blood all over it.

"Ok," the video director said as the guys and I were getting set up. "Well as Octavia said she wanted a part in this song wear she's in a corner writing things on the wall in her own blood. So I thought flashes of that and the band playing."

"Cool," I said.

The guys were all wearing white to signify they were pure while I, in black, was dirty. The theme of the video was suppose to be me feeling so sick of all the crap in the world that I'd rather die and take my pain out on myself then deal with it. The video will have some flashbacks of me bullied at school and a family laughing at me when I come home beaten up. The family is in all white; as is everyone, besides me.

* * *

We finished the video and we just watched it. My favorite parts have to be when I scream _"break" _there's a zoom in on my mouth and blood starts oozing out. The other is when I'm writing I'm so sick in fake blood there's a zoom in on my wrist which show where the cut is.

Most of my videos revolve around death, but I think this video is mostly like **Tourniquet** only in that video you see me cutting myself….It's not my fault Americans like the songs that deal with pain.

We left after giving out thanks to the crew.

"Man Agatha was pissed when she saw the video!" Curt laughed.

"I know huh, _'What's wrong with you kids can't you make a happy video?'"_ I quoted in a squeaky voice.

"Only if you give us a song that Oxy can't make about dieing," Dominick laughed.

"Ja it's almost like you have a fetish or something with death," Franz said.

Dominick and Curt started laughing when he said fetish.

I swear those two are just like two 13 year old boys. I got into the car right after the guys. We were all tired. It's around midnight. We told the director we wanted the video done by the end of the day. That's why we started so early.

"So where are we going?" I asked while yawing.

"Your house," Curt stated.

"It's like you guys live there," Erwin said.

They all (except Franz) laughed. What Erwin said was practically true. They all have apartments scattered around town but they love my house. They all even have there own rooms. I have around six bedrooms in my house.

"Whatever" I said.

"Well you get to sleep in at least huh?" Dominick yawned as well.

"Yeah around 7pm we have to go and talk to Flyleaf and see if they like the video," I said.

"Yeah, man Lacey is hot!" Curt yelled.

"She is pretty," Dominick said.

We all looked at him weird.

"What I can say I women are pretty can't I?" he asked.

Curt and I broke out laughing.

"Are you sure you're gay dude?" I asked laughing.

"Yeah watch out Oxy will be all over you!" Curt yelled laughing.

I elbowed him in the ribs and said "yeah right. You'd go after him before I would."

"EWWW!! He is so not my type!" Curt yelled.

Everyone, even Franz, started laughing as Curt started freaking out saying he was the straightest guy on the earth.

Once we got to my house Curt was still saying how he was not gay. When we walked in the living room we saw Chris and Moon sleeping on the couch.

I put my finger to my lips to tell them to be quiet. They nodded while mouthing "night".

I grabbed a blanket and put it over them so they could be comfortable.

I went to my room and sighed.

Man this is….hang on I forgot to ask Tokio hotel what they thought of my concert…oh well I'll see what I can do about that tomorrow I thought as I fell asleep.


	6. A Surprise

I woke up and took a shower. Lately, I've noticed that I have more energy and sleeping better which is making me feel very good. Maybe I'm finally growing out of my insomnia.

I went into my T.V. room and saw Moon eating popcorn watching a movie.

"Halo," I greeted.

"Hey," she relied.

I sat down beside her and started eating the popcorn. The movie Moon was watching was _"The Little Mermaid." _

"Oh my God! Moon! You're 18 what are you watching this for?" I asked.

"It's noon! The guys went to do _guy stuff_ and you were sleeping." She said.

I rolled my eyes. "Wanna do what we normally do when the guys aren't here?" I asked.

"Oui," she yelled and dragged me to my practice garage thing. So it's this building a little bit away from my house and it's where me and the band practice. It's a pretty fun place when you're bored.

Inside is a stage with guitars, a drum set, a cordless microphone set, and a piano. On one wall there's a giant circle filled with all kinds of colors that Moon and I make bigger each time we come here. A whole wall is filled with posters of all the bands I like, some that only the guys like and some are just random bands that only Moon knows. The two biggest posters are of Tokio Hotel and Evanescence yeah I'm obsessed so what.

"So what should the sign say this time?" Moon asked.

"Only enter if you have boobs," I said.

Moon laughed and said "yeah I'll write that."

On the door there's a white board that Moon always writes weird little sayings on.

"You're so- there's my note book," I said as I walked over to the table covered in paint and painting utensils.

I pulled out a piece of paper from my back jeans pocket and slipped in into the notebook.

"You wrote a new song?" asked Moon leaning over my shoulder.

"Yeah you wanna read it?" I asked.

"Give it," she yelled.

I gave her the paper and her once excited face turned serious,

"Wow Oxy….I think I might cry." She said.

"Eh I've been writing that since I was 15. I think I finally got it right," I explained.

"So this is the song, awww Oxy!" she said.

"Don't "_awww Oxy_" me!!" I yelled.

"Sorry can you sing it to me?" she asked.

I sighed and nodded. I snatched the piece of paper from her hand and sat down at my piano. Just as I was about to press down on a piano key someone burst through the door.

"Where's the party?" none other than Curt asked.

"Curt!! Can't you read?" Moon yelled angry in English.

"What?" Curt asked clueless.

"She wanted to know if you are able to read." Chris explained as he and Franz walked through the door.

"Oh well duh. It said _boobs only_. I thought there would be more chicks besides you two." He explained.

"Oh great," Moon said while rolling her eyes.

"Oxy what are you doing?" Curt asked,

"She's gonna sing a song, dumbass." Moon mumbled the last part.

"Really?" Dominick asked as four other people entered with him.

I don't think my eyes ever become that big before. I swear I'm gonna kill Dominick.

"Oh my God! Tokio Hotel yay!" Moon yelled as she hugged them all except for Bill who got away and sat beside me on me piano.

"Halo," he said with a smile.

I tried to smile but it came out really weak. "Hey."

"Omg Bill you have to hear this song actually everyone does!" Moon yelled on the microphone.

"Moon exnay on the ongsay," I hissed.

"Orrysay," she said then whispered in Bill's ear.

He nodded and smiled at me. Why? Why must he have such a cute smile?

"Please sing the song please," he practically begged.

"Fine," I said and looked at Moon while rolling my eyes.

I started playing the piano and started singing my own song for a change. .

**(A/NI wrote this myself no stealing cuz it sux)**

_Hey Dad_

_I think it's time we had a little chat_

_Just between us_

_So many things have happened_

_Too many to name_

_How could you let this all happen?_

_Why'd you go so far away?_

_Will you listen to me?_

_All theses things I have not said_

_Can you take this pain away?_

_Can you make it all right….. again?_

_Hey mom_

_Look at me now_

_Can you still see right through me?_

_Am I still a mistake_

_Are you gonna put me in my place…..again_

_Can you listen to me?_

_It's time you see me_

_Will you put me through that pain again?_

_Or can it go back to being what it once was….?_

_It's time you both hear me_

_This time you'll see me_

_I want you both to see that…._

_This is who I really am!!_

_Will you listen to me?_

_All theses things I have not said_

_Can you take this pain away?_

_Can you make it all right….. again?_

_Can you listen to me?_

_It's time you see me_

_Will you put me through that pain again?_

_Or can it go back to being what it once was….?_

_Can we go back?_

_Let's pretend…_

When I finished everyone was kinda staring at me. It was freaking me out.

"Yeah so… What did you think?" I asked awkwardly

"You finally finished it!" Chris yelled hugging me. "It's amazing. I've been waiting for you too get that off your chest."

"Thanks dude," I said smiling.

"Amazing Oxy!" Dominick said.

Franz was smirking and nodded when I gave him a look that said _tell me!!_

"You rock! How do you say it in English?" Curt asked himself before he said in very broken English "Me love ya dood"

Me, Moon and Chris laughed when we heard this.

I smiled and said "Close enough."

"You were simply amazing," Bill whispered in my ear.

I smirked and felt myself blush a little. What is wrong with me I'm not the blushing type yet every time he's around I turn into a tomato.

I opened my mouth to say something but my cell phone started ringing.

"Halo?" I answered.

"Octavia its Agatha," she said. I mentally sighed while physically rolling my eyes.

"What do you want?" I asked

"At 3 you will have a two hour interview –" she started but I cut her off

"What?!" I literally yelled.

She groaned "Yes you and the band will be in an interview because it's a special on you and don't worry it's not tapped live."

"Why must you always gave me news at the last minute? It's 1:30!" I yelled and hanged up.

"What was that about?" Curt asked.

"We have an interview in an hour and a half," I growled

"Ok and why are you so mad?" Dominick questioned.

"I'm angry because it's a two hour interview and they tell us about it the day of and at the last minute can you tell me when they told us about something in advance?" I replied

"Ok I see your point," he whispered.

Moon looked deep in thought then got a huge smile on.

"Well then let's go get you changed!!" Moon yelled.

Moon dragged me into my room and started going through all my clothes. She loves choosing the clothes I wear. It must because she wants to be a clothing designer or something. Well she settled on this tight black shirt that said in neon purple "Bite me" (in English) and a plaid black and purple skirt with chains on it.

"A skirt?" I asked.

"You can wear those fishnets I gave you on your birthday" she smiled.

On my last birthday Moon gave me a pair of fishnet leggings that were black and purple.

I nodded and got dressed came into the living room where allllll the guys were.

"Moon there are 8 guys in my house," I said.

"Cuz you're sexy!" she laughed.

"Right," I said and went into the kitchen.

I got a cup while mumbling under my breath "Breathe" I can't believe it I haven't even stepped foot into the studio and I'm already having a panic attack. Grrr. You'd think after like four years of this I would be able to handle this but no I can't. And it's all because of last year!

"You ok?" someone behind me asked.

I turned around and saw Bill. Why must he be so sweet and ok I'll say it cute.

"Yeah," I said and took a drink of water.

He opened his mouth to say something but Moon yelled for me. I rolled my eyes and went over to her.

"What?" I asked.

"They don't believe me when I said you have like 20 facial piecing," she whined

"I have 15 well 16 if you count my tongue," I said.

"That's impossible!" Tom said.

Wow I just noticed that Tom and Moon are sitting reaaally close together.

"Well I have both my eye brows pierced twice. The ridge between my eyes, my nose 3 times, my upper lip twice and my lower lip 5 times. Plus my tongue. That adds up to?" I asked they all gave me an idiotic look "16" sighed.

"Ha see I tol-" Moon was cut off by her phone going off. "Bonjour" she said while smiling.

Moon is full French. Both her parents were born in France. I'm not too sure why they moved to the states but I'm glad they did. Moon said some things in French while Bill sat beside me.

"You know French right?" I asked.

"Kinda but she's talking to fast." Bill answered.

"Ok," I said.

"Omg Oxy!! My sister is getting married!" Moon said smiling.

My mouth dropped five feet.

"No! Not the guy that asked if he could fuck me when we were all high!?" I asked in English

"That's the one," she laughed.

"Eww!" I said disgusted. "Why do all the French girls go for the ugly guys?"

"Hey my future husband is gonna be hot and you will have to approve." she said

"Yay," I said as my phone went off. I picked it up and said my normal hello.

"Oxy the president of the company has decided to fire you, which means we're free of each other. And you're interview is still on. They now have more question," Agatha said and hanged up.

My mouth must have been on the floor by now,

"Oxy who was that?" Dominick asked.

"Agatha….We've just been fired," I said with a giant smile on my face.


	7. A Haunting Past

* * *

"What?" Franz chocked shocked.

"Agatha said that we're fired," I explained.

"Didn't she give us a reason?" asked Dominick.

"Guys who cares! Finally we're free of that dumb bitch," I said.

"Yes!" Curt yelled and then got an idea, "we could get a song out on the internet! Then we could get a record deal and be real musicians."

"Yeah and we'll help," Tom said.

All of Tokio Hotel nodded. I looked at them all and smiled. These guys are way too nice for their own good.

"You guys are sweet," I said and then looked at my watch. "Ok guys time to go. Are you guys gonna hang with Moon and Chris?" I asked.

"If you don't mind," Gustav said.

"It's cool," I said while motioning for the guys to follow me.

* * *

We were put in a room with 4 chairs placed 2 in front and 2 in back. It's a pretty plain room nothing that special. We took or seats. Dominick and I in front with Curt behind Dominick and Franz behind me.

"So why were we fired again?" Curt whispered.

"The whole company is homophobic," Dominick hissed.

I gave Dominick a look. If _anything _goes wrong he blames all the homophobic people of the world.

"And that we were getting out of control," I reminded.

"I like the homophobic thing better," Dominick mumbled.

I rolled my eyes. Someone gave me a microphone. I was getting so bored I started making faces at the guys. And of course Curt was the only one to make faces back.

"Ok are you ready?" the director asked.

We all nodded.

"Ok the question will be read to you. We will take a 5 minute break every 30 minutes." He informed us.

**"Why were you fired?"**

"Well the details are a little unclear but-" I started but Dominick cut me off by stealing the microphone from me.

"They were homophobic, they never gave me the same respect they gave the rest of the band," he said.

**"Did they ever discriminate against you?"**

"I was never really allowed the have a say in anything and if it wasn't for Oxy I never would have been able to say anything," Dominick explained.

I looked at Dominick shocked. I never realized how hard it must have been for him to go through that.

**"Is there any other reason?"**

I reached for the microphone but Franz was too quick and grabbed it before I could.

"Octavia was out of control; rebellious you might say. They wanted someone they could control. A puppet. Too bad she is her own person and doesn't take orders from anyone," Franz said.

Of course Franz would know why we were fired. He knows everything!! And of course when he talks he sounds like a pastor or cult leader.

**"Have you thought about what you are going to do now?"**

I finally grabbed the mic from Franz while sticking my tongue out at him.

"We hope to make a new CD but with the songs that we write not covers of other artists," I said.

**"Any band names?"**

We all smiled. We've been discussing this topic for years. We've finally decided on it while driving here.

"We are," I said.

"A Suicidal Love Interest," we all said at once.

* * *

(More questions nothing interesting.)

We have half an hour left. They are about to ask us family questions and I was fidgeting really bad anyone could see I was getting nervous.

**"How is your family relationship?**

Dominick grabbed the mic from me. He loves talking about his family. He says it's cuz he wants all the homosexual teens to realize they aren't alone when it comes to parents not understanding.

"Me and my dad have_ finally_ talked…well more like yelling then talking but it was good getting al our feelings out in the open. My mother and I are in an ok relationship but it's getting better." Dominick said and gave the mic to Curt.

"Dad and I are still buds but my mom is mad at me because I never have time to talk to her," he sighed and gave the mic to Franz.

Franz shrugged and said, "I don't have parents," then gave the mic to me.

I rolled my eyes. "Mom and I are on the same grounds as always."

**"How is your relationship with your mother?"**

They were asking me and only me. I took a sharp intake of breathe and I felt Franz but his hand on my shoulder.

I replied "not the best to be honest. We rarely speak and if we do it's just me asking for my brother."

**"Why did you move out so fast?"**

"It was just my time," I said trying to drop the subject.

**"Were you angry with her?"**

Again saying short and sweet, "no I just needed to be on my own."

**"You never fought?"**

"Well of corse we did, I moved out right after things were getting really bad at home," I said calmly

**"So she was angry with you?"**

"I guess you could say that," I replied my voice rose a few pitches though.

**"How did she act while you were still living with her?"**

I lost it right then and there. My nerves finally got to me as the secret I have kept for 10 years came pouring out of my mouth.

"Fine she fucking abused me!" I literally screamed.

I felt Franz's grip on my shoulder tighten. My eyes grew wide and I could feel all eyes on me.

I ran

I didn't know where I was going but I ran. Out of the building I was bombarded by the paparazzi. I was moving so fast I doubt they could get a decent shot of me. I ran down the street with them following me. I pushed past anyone who got in my way. I turned at an alley and ran up the fire escape on one of the buildings I was on the roof by the time they turned on the alley way.

I sat down breathing hard, my heart in my throat. Everything was now falling apart right when I just finished putting it all back together. The whole country now knew that secret I've kept since I was eight. No one was supposed to know. Hell. I didn't even like the fact that Franz and Dominick knew.

They weren't supposed to. No one was! I'm pretty sure Moon even knew. No I'm sure she knows but she's too nice to say anything to me. And today of all days to top it all off. Why?

My watch beeped and. I looked at it. 4:57. that horrible time, this horrible day with the horrible memory. A single tear ran down my face as I did a cross sign in honor of my father. I hope to his god that he's not watching me.

My father died three years ago. I wouldn't allow myself to think of him tell the time of his death.

I ran my hand down my face and I could still feel the indentation of the ten year old scar I got for my birthday. "Love" my mother. From my hair line to the tip of my nose in a straight line from a whip.

**(A/N Read at your own risk)**

My own mother struck me across the face with a whip when I told her I didn't want to start my birthday tell my father came home. I didn't get an eighth birthday. I got pain that entire day while Chris was crying in the corner telling mom to stop. Though she only did when she looked at him and then yelled at me to get myself cleaned up before anyone say me. I fell off my bike. That was the excuse that everyone seemed to buy/ I knew then and there to stop acting like a child and grow up before something serious happened.

Then the day of my father's death. No one called me while I was off talking about the CD. I got home around one and the first thing I got was a punch right in my face. Then I was coming to my senses a brutal sound slapped my back as pain erupted. One more time I felt that numbing pain. I could barley breathe.

That when Franz came through the door saying I forgot my guitar. I don't remember much after that him picking me up is the only things that stands out. Even as gently as he tried to it still hurt. All I know after that is that I couldn't move for a week. And when I finally could I looked and my back and saw a giant X going from one side of my back to the other.

That's when I made Franz swear never to tell any one about that. I knew I could trust him he barley talked. Never was one to talk about his personal life. I knew I could trust him.

The same with Dominick when he confronted me about. That was the day he fully came out of the closet to me. Saying he was only said he was bi so he could be accepted.

The lump in my throat was getting bigger. I'm not a crier. I heard a sound a looked up and saw Franz. He walked over to me and sat down and put his arm around me. Like a big brother. That's when I lost all control for the second time that day. I cried right there in front of the only guy I felt who understood me.

He didn't say anything but held me tightly. I silently thanked him for that. To be alone and not alone at the same time. That's how I feel around him. It's comforting.

"I don't know what's gonna happen next but it sure as hell can't get any worse," I mumbled.


	8. A Scandal on the Horizon

I stood up as I wiped my tears away. Franz stood up beside me. I gave him a small smile.

"Thanks dude," I said.

He patted my head and gave me that crooked smile of his and said," That's what I'm here for."

I looked over the edge of the building and all I saw was Curt and Dominick.

"Should we join them?" I asked watching the guys throw rocks at each other.

Franz looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "You wanna throw rocks at them?"

"Sure as long as we're off this roof," I shrugged.

Franz shook his head with a smirk and went down the fire exit. I followed.

When both my feet touched the ground Dominick gave me a huge hug. Curt looked at me skeptically while Dominick hugged me as if expecting me to explode.

Dominick suddenly put me at arms length away and looked me very seriously in the eyes. He then smiled and let me go.

"ok am I the only one who's gonna say this?" Curt asked.

We all looked at him weirdly. He seemed uneasy almost uncomfortable which is very un-Curt-like. He normally just goes with the flow.

"Why didn't you tell me you were fucking abused? I thought we were friends!" Curt accused.

"Cuz you never asked and besides your best friend is Dominick. Dominick's best friend is me. My best friend is Franz and Franz's best friend is well no really knows," I rambled.

"Ok and what's you're point?" questioned Curt.

"It's that we're all each other's best friends, we're a band; and we're almost like a family. The most messed up family I have ever seen." I explained.

"Oh hell yeah!" exclaimed Curt and then gave me a huge hug.

"Ok now that all the hugging is over with can we please go home?" I begged.

They all nodded.

"Sure but you should have seen Franz when you ran out of there," Dominick said.

"Yeah," Curt said trying not to laugh. "He was all you air this and then you'll wake up in Siberia choking on your own balls."

"The guy seriously looked like he was going to piss himself." Dominick laughed.

"I think he did," Curt was laughing so hard that he was on his hands and knees. Dominick was on the ground laughing his ass off.

I shook my head at them and these guys are my friends!

* * *

"Home!" I yelled as I fell on the couch.

"Well someone looks happy," moon said leaning over the side of the couch.

"Ecstatic," I said sarcastically.

"How was the interview?" asked Chris.

I grabbed a pillow and screamed into it.

"Does that answer you're question?" asked Dominick as he sat on my stomach.

"Can't breathe," I hissed

"Sorry," he said but didn't move.

I poked his side making him jump a meter into the air. I rolled onto the ground and Dominick glared down at me.

"What's her problem?" asked Chris.

"You are not to leave this house or see our mother again is that understood?" I practically ordered him. Which got me strange looks from the people who understood me… and didn't.

Chris looked at me curiously. I never liked living with our mother but he always felt like he had to or our mother would go back on drugs. (Which she is) That runs in the family form both sides.

He nodded to me as if he suddenly understood what I was silently saying. _She's gonna flip and you're gonna be her target._

"Ok if you say so. Challenge her for custody if you can do that here." He said.

"Well duh," I said standing up. "No matter what happens I'm never letting you live with her again," I swore.

Chris smiled and said "Took you long enough. 16, too busy with you're career, dad's death, and Adam a.k.a '_the love of your life.' _17 to hyped up on cocaine and heroin to even know the fucking day. Then we have good 'ol 18. Ding ding. We have a winner." He said oh so sarcastically.

"Shut up about Adam and yes 17 was a horrible year but damn life ain't fair get use to. I'm full of disappointments my dear be ready." I hissed flicking his nose.

"Hey!" he shouted and dived over the couch and full blown tackled me.

* * *

Bill's P.O.V.

Bill was watching Octavia and Chris talk. He couldn't understand it all; they were speaking English and very quickly. He wanted to ask Moon what they were saying but she was paying more attention to Tom then Chris or Octavia. He rolled his eyes at that.

He heard Octavia say mother so he could only guess that's what they were conversing about. He didn't know the relationship between the sibling and their mother but they had very serious expressions on.

He heard Chris say Adam so he listened harder. The he heard 'love of you're life'. Bill frowned at that. He knew Octavia had a boyfriend of many years when her first album came out and that he committed suicide a couple months after her father died. Many people believed this is what lead her to drugs but he wasn't too sure about that but he was glad that she was off drugs; she looked like a zombie for awhile and he was scared for her.

Suddenly Chris tackled Octavia to the floor. This got everyone's attention as the two siblings fought on the ground. Bill saw moon roll her eyes at them and went back talking to Tom.

Bill asked the closest person by him which happened to be Dominick "does this happen often?"

"Ja," he replied. "They always do this and someone always gets hurt.

Finally they broke apart when Franz sighed and grabbed Octavia by her shirt and pulled her to her feet. He pushed her onto the couch and she just sat there like nothing happened.

There was something about Octavia that Bill couldn't explain. Ever since he was 15 he wanted to meet her. And now that he finally did he couldn't talk to her. Gustav and Franz seemed content in just sitting in silence barley talking to each other. Dominick and Georg some how got along talking about how bassists were the best park of any band. Tom and Curt were almost like best friends the way they joked around with Moon; so it only seemed liked fate that he and Octavia should have some kind of friendship. Well whatever their relationship was it was going to slow for his tastes. He wanted to talk to her without everyone around.

Bill wanted to get to know the real Octavia. He knew things from interviews and websites but there is only so much you can trust form those sources. All he really seemed to know was that she seemed to have stage fright he asked Moon about that.

"She never used to be like that but once she got on drugs stuff like that really freaks her out. Especially interviews. She really hates talking about her personal life but in this industry there is no such thing as a secret. She really hates that." Moon explained. "Oh and she hates the whole singing other people songs now more than ever." She added.

Bill leaned a lot about Octavia in that short conversation. Things like that the industry obviously wants to hide. No one wants to hear a diva complain.

"Bill. Bill!" Octavia said pulling Bill out of his thoughts. "You alright? You were kinda spacing off."

"Oh sorry I was just thinking," Bill replied.

She laughed once making her features shine and said "Well whatever it was it sure looked important. I thought my wall would suddenly burst into flames you were glaring so hard."

Bill gave a sheepish smile at her little joke. She gave him a smirk back but her eyes shone with curiosity

* * *

Oxy's P.O.V.

What was he thinking about so damn hard? I asked myself as Bill smiled at me.

"Oxy guess what I promised the guys when you were gone?" moon screeched.

"Do I want to know?" I asked.

"I said they could spend the night!" she giggled happily.

I sighed we really didn't have much room. Curt and Chris shared a room. Dominick and Franz shared a room. While Moon and I had our own rooms; plus two couches. That leaves two people without a bed.

"That was nice of you and all but we really don't have room," I sighed.

Moon gave me the most marvelous smile I have ever seen grace her features. "I thought about that. We all talked it over and we settled on that Georg and Gustav would take the couches while Tom sleeps with me and Bill sleeps with you!"

I rolled my eyes and shrugged "if that's what you want to do."

"Great! But girl we gotta dye your hair. Major roots showing." She said while running her finger through my hair.

"Ugh! Stupid hair it grows way to damn fast." I cursed to myself.

Moon laughed "Come on! You need a total make over. Especially sense new album means new hair!" she practically dragged me into my room while she said that.

She sat me down on the stool in my bathroom. "Ok relax I will make you gorgeous."

I sighed as Moon went through all my hair dye products. Moon's mom was a hair stylist and taught Moon everything she knows.

"So can I have complete control over your hair?" Moon asked with pleading eyes.

I rolled my eyes and nodded,

She smiled hugely and said "Ok keep your eyes closed and no peeking! And you boys better go away or I'll dye your hair blue green and all the other colors of the rainbow!" moon yelled and then 8 guys ran out of my doorway.

Moon laughed a little and I closed my eyes like she told me too.

* * *

"Ok open your eyes!" Moon giggled.

I did as she yelled surprise. My eyes widened. My hair was black with blue tips. My most favorite color is blue but I've never had blue hair before. My hair was also layered and choppy butt looked great.

I smiled "Moon I love it." I said as I hugged her."

"I knew you would!" she said as she hugged me back. "Ok lets show the boys!"

She dragged me out of the bathroom through my room and into the living room.

"Ow! Damn woman how many times must you dislocate my shoulder in one day?" I asked as I rubbed my shoulder.

"So what do you guys think?" Moon asked completely ignoring me.

Dominick was the first to answer "she looks great. It really makes her eyes pop."

Moon smiled and all the other guys nodded. I silently snuck away and into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and took out a tray of chocolate covered pretzels and strawberries. I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

"Octavia get you ass over here!" Moon yelled.

"M eaving!" I yelled back mouth full.

I heard her sigh so I brought the tray of sweets out and set it on the table and then sat down.

"Why am I not surprised? Instead of having a sweet tooth she has a sweet mouth," I heard Moon mumble.

Ding. I heard the microwave go off so I got up and poured the bag over popcorn into a bowl and then set it on the table so everyone could have some but Moon grabbed it.

"Ok let's see what that stupid woman says today." Moon said.

"Who?" asked Gustav.

"Oh some news woman who hates us all." Explained Dominick. "She has this segment where she bashes us."

"What does she say?" asked Georg.

"Oh shit like how I'm a horrible influence on today's youth sense I promote homosexuality. Franz's a serial killer. Curt's a man-whore. But she really loves to mess with Oxy. She comes up with all these ridiculous stories. I can only guess that this week it's about you guys." Dominick said.

"That doesn't sound very nice." Bill mumbled.

I just noticed that Moon turned the TV on. I smiled at Bill "its hilarious man, trust me." I said while patting his sigh.

"Shh it's on!" Moon hissed. I immediately turned my attention to the TV and totally missed a certain someone turn scarlet.

_"Today my story is about Octavia Wilson. The singer has been officially fired from her contract at Global Records. Global Records has not released a official reason as to why but rumors have swelled that it was because of Octavia being out of control, but no one knows that for sure since she went publicly clean of drugs. We have an interview with more on that that will air tomorrow but I have something else to show."_

A picture of me kissing Bill on the cheek suddenly came on screen.

Me and Moon looked at each other and burst out laughing. First when my album came out me and Dominick we're dating but I was still dating Adam. Then after Dominick came out of the closet me and Curt we dating. Then just half a year ago me and Franz we're dating. Then last week she said me and Moon we're dating because of that stupid kiss. She told everyone I was a lesbian too!! Not that I have anything against gay women or men it's just now she takes it back when I kiss Bill on the cheek! I do that with everyone!

_"Whether the two have officially made their relationship public or not this is proof that there is obviously something going on between them. But there's one thing that uncertain what is the couple's name?" _she said and then it went to a commercial break.

I looked at Bill and he was blushing badly but when he looked at me he burst out laughing "you're right that was funny."


End file.
